Describe a man who has positively impacted your life.

I am a Star Trek fan, and that's where I was first introduced to Patrick Stewart. How fatherly he is, right? What a safe feeling to have his presence in the room. To hear his voice, authoritative, strong. No matter what is going on, you know he will find a solution, or be able to enlist the help needed to solve the problem. I love literature and television, which is imaginative, but that also makes me feel safe. When I am having a bad day, these indulgences are what comfort me.

But, no. I digress. It is not the acting Patrick Stewart that I am drawn to. Because if I had found out he was a horrible guy or did some things I thought were wrong, I would never want to watch Star Trek, The Next Generation again. I wouldn’t be able to enjoy seeing him on the screen, regardless of how well he played his role. That is how my kids taught me to be. Sometimes I wish I could go back to not caring about the personal lives of musicians and actors I admire. There are just some things too hard to look past. 

If a public figure is in any way a misogynist, a predator, a bigot, homophobic, transphobic, racist, etc......they can fuck off as far as I'm concerned. 

Again I'm off on a tangent, lol! What created my love of Patrick Stewart was when I heard him speak once. He was talking about domestic violence and PTSD. There was a woman in the audience who came forward and talked about her experiences being in an abusive relationship and how Patrick Stewart's book impacted her life. How Patrick Stewart received her created in me a full-bodied warmth. I felt it in my entire body. 

That's what happens when something really and truly moves me. The response of my nervous system does not lie. It is a peaceful feeling. It is a feeling of love. Because I am viewing love in its purest form. When you see genuine compassion, you are seeing love. When you are seeing someone hold space for another human being, you are seeing love. When you see their face and what it does, those subtle changes. But so recognizable. You are seeing love.

You see that their concern and care are genuine. Additionally, it was his words and what he said that struck a chord in me. It resonated with a truth that has lived inside me. I don't like hate. I don't like feeling it. Although I feel anger. I do not want the hate though. It can fuck right off as far as I'm concerned.

I already know plenty about the victim's perspective and there is no difficulty for me, putting myself in their shoes. Compassion and care come very naturally to me, as it would for any oppressed creature or human being. But what about the abuser? We don't like to talk about them, we only want to hate them and be angry at them. That is natural I think. But the abuser has a story too. And they are human beings before they are all those other ugly things.

You probably won't agree, but I don't believe in moral responsibility. I am a determinist and believe we are built block by block to become exactly who we are. Even the very worst people are not morally responsible. Although they do need to be held accountable and society does need to be protected from them. I'm getting off track. It was what Patrick Stewart said about the violent men that impacted me.

He talked about how PTSD can change a person. He talked about veterans and how many who were never violent before war, came home a completely different person. Trauma changes people. And a violent person doesn't become that way overnight. He is all about supporting the victim, but he is also about helping the abuser. About understanding why they are the way they are. He is all about healing.

He isn't making excuses. He isn't saying the abuse is okay. He isn't saying you should stay in an abusive relationship. I believe in restorative justice. This is taking the perpetrator into account, while also holding them responsible for their actions. How can we heal the hurting parts of this world without delving a little deeper into the "why" of it all? How can we affect change, bypassing the ugliness? The ugliness needs to be dissected, does it not?

I'm supposed to be talking about Patrick Stewart, goddammit! I actually know very little about him, except for that one talk he gave and his role on Star Trek. But what I did discover through him was forgiveness and understanding. This world is not black and white. There is rarely pure goodness or pure evil. There are only shades in between. 

But alas, I do get so very tired of seeing men murdering and abusing women. No offense to any non-abusing man reading this. But isn't it always the men, in most cases? They are stronger, so they will, in most cases, be able to overpower us. And I do so, get tired, so, so, tired of seeing it. And you can't help seeing it. And you want to see it, you want to know. At least I do. I do not want to be in the dark.

I see the ugliness now, with different eyes. I admit it, I am ashamed, but I watch quite a bit of true crime on YouTube. I like seeing the raw footage, not the heavily produced documentaries. Although some documentaries are very good. I like to see the reality and truth. I have always needed to understand.

I think I do understand,  for the most part. There is true evil though. That is a whole other topic. 

Notice how I don't write perfectly? It's because I refuse to use AI to polish what I'm saying. I really hate AI. I am learning to write on my own terms, and it may not be well worded, but it is raw footage, coming from me alone. 

So yeah, Patrick Stewart is a man who has impacted my life. Through his perspective, I was able to let go of my hatred and rage. Don't get me wrong, I still feel very angry at times. But the main thing is that after I am calm after I am removed, I can see a human being existing beneath all the external ugliness. It doesn't mean I want to be their friend. It doesn't mean they shouldn't be held accountable. It doesn't mean the victim matters any less. 

I fight, but I fight in the name of love. And that is how I see Patrick Stewart as being as well. We can have anger, rage, disgust, all of it, and still hold a deeper understanding as to the "why" of it all. 

I don't fuken know; he radiates love, and I love that. If I keep talking I'll never stop, so I'll end by saying Patrick Stewart is like a rock. (I do so, love rocks) Solid and stable. Grounding. He is thoughtful and kind. He is an example of an ideal man. And when I watch Star Trek, now, knowing these facts about him, I feel even more safe and protected than previously. He is a good man, and I love good men.