List your top 5 grocery store items.

I don’t shop anymore, not if I can help it. My partner and daughter will grocery shop, or we have our groceries delivered. The top five things we normally have in stocks at home? Well, number one is coffee, which is the absolute most important thing. So obviously we also need to have cream as well. I will never understand the kind of person that prefers their coffee black. People like my partner and our son I don’t understand, and never will. Nor should I.😂

We always seem to have around three bags of grapes, all of varying degrees of freshness. We like a certain brand of instant ramen from Costco, so we always have that around. And sandwich ingredients are also normally available too.

I am immensely grateful that I am no longer required to venture into the grocery store, or any other kind of store for that matter. I don’t recognize the person that previously existed inside this body. The person who loved shopping. The person addicted to spending money, even when there was barely any money to spend.

It’s easier to be out there, in the world, if you are hyper-focused on what you want to buy. When you are so intent on your goal, you don’t see anyone around you. You are not uncomfortable in a world that feels foreign to you.

It is better this way. It is better that I am not shopping anymore. In fact, I don’t even have my own bankcard anymore. I had my purse stolen once because I wasn’t watching my shopping cart. I never bothered having my cards replaced. I think we are better off financially now, because I no longer shop. Not for anything. Not even clothing. Clothing was something I previously loved to shop for. About once every two years I’ll force myself shop for a few clothing items I need. Of course online shopping is convenient. Still, it’s not top on my list as a priority.

We may not be wealthy, by any stretch of the imagination, but we are never completely broke. That hasn’t been an issue for many years now. Since I decided to disengage from participating with society, we have never been a day late paying our rent. So there are a lot of positive outcomes to becoming a hermit.

Also if I want to have a drink, I have to go through the ordeal of begging my partner to buy it for me. It’s just not worth it to me. Buying pills and drugs are a thing of the distant past, which is an utter and complete relief to me. I am no longer suffering, sick as hell from withdrawal. I am no longer desperate to find what I need to feel better.

There are many positive aspects to  being isolated from society. I forget that when I’m complaining about how lonely I am.

What in the actual fuck????? I’m supposed to be writing about groceries aren’t I? Ha! Typical of me.

Shopping isn’t great fun if your not excited about it. If you’re not fueled with the drive to purchase certain things. Additionally, I’m no longer a huge fan of creating food dishes or baking. With a younger family, I enjoyed cooking and baking. I loved to try a new recipe. I loved spices and special ingredients. My cupboards were well stocked.

I have no idea what happened to this other person. Maybe I miss her. Sometimes. I do miss caring about things. Caring about creating a nice meal for my family. Caring about looking nice. Caring about my health. Caring about going places and doing things. I remember when I absolutely loved going on trips and staying in hotels and motels. Even if it was only with my partner on one of their work trips. I loved seeing new places.

Where the fuck is that person? Because now, the idea of driving from town to town isn’t top on my list of future goals. Okay, if money were no object, and we could take our dog along, going on an adventure somewhere would be fun.

I don’t understand myself, or who I’ve become. Do you think another personality, another soul, is now living inside this body? I often wonder about this. We are different people during the different times of our lives, are we not? Who’s to say someone else didn’t slip into our bodies when we weren’t paying attention? Ha!

Yesterday we went Christmas shopping. I normally do this one day of the year. It gets more exhausting every time. It took less than two hours before I was needing to go home. So it’s a good thing my partner and my daughter do most of our holiday shopping. I am ever so grateful for them.

Living as a younger person eventually becomes exhausting when you are as excited about everything the way I was. Especially when you simultaneously love people and also hate people. Especially when you are prone to addictive tendencies. Especially when your goals are changing every few years or every few seconds. I forgot to mention all the goddamn times we used to move, simply because I got bored with the house or apartment we were residing in. The time I uprooted our entire family to move back to my hometown, only to move back to the city a few years later. 😵‍💫

I feel like I’ve been resting from all those years of chaos. I’m tired. I might be lonely, but my life is the most stable it has ever been. I would like to magically meet the right people without having to shuffle through different personalities to find the right friendships. It all seems like too much goddamn work.

That’s why I like having this blog. I have the opportunity to make connections with like minded people. We may not be friends, but we can see each other. We can recognize ourselves in each other’s writing. That is pretty great, right? And anyway, friendships can be overrated. I’d like a few friends, but I do not want obligations. So I’m not sure if I’m worth having as a friend.

But I digress. If I were the one buying groceries, I’d probably be way more overweight. That’s  another thing to think about.  I can’t control my impulses, so it’s better not to be tempted. I’ll end by saying I am thankful for my partner and my daughter for their shopping. I am thankful to not be destitute financially. I am thankful to be in a relatively stable place, mentally. That’s what this writing prompt is making me remember and appreciate.

Ha! I just realized I failed this assignment by not fully answering the question.😂