My Online Communication Adventure

Ha! Online, is really my only means of communication with the outside world these days. For at least the past ten years, I have chosen to isolate myself from society. I have written about my reasons for this in other blogs. But basically, it is how I keep myself safe now. If I keep away from people, how can I find myself in a multitude of bizarre and dangerous situations? I feel safe in my home. Quite frankly, I find human beings scary.

You never know who you will encounter in the real world. And I seem to be a magnet for sociopaths, addicts, and the mentally ill. Don't get me wrong. Please, don't get me wrong. I am not a sociopath, but I have struggled a lot with addictions, and I am technically mentally ill. 

Let's just say, I am a magnet for people who tend to create a lot of chaos in my life. I have been able to reflect on my life in ways I was never able to do in the past while living my isolated existence. I have been able to heal from the traumas that living in the real world, had imposed on me. I must also accept some responsibility as well. Yes, of course I must.

But people are so goddamn scary, are they not? It's much easier to vet people online. And I do believe it is possible to get to know someone over the internet. Of course, that is only if they are forthright, and not trying to project a particular image. Anyway, I am not really interested in any face-to-face interactions. Except of course, with my immediate family. 

This space, especially, has been the most beneficial for me in being able to establish authentic connections with other individuals. I think most of us are here because we want to share our authentic selves with other people. Whether that be through our story-telling, poetry, or our blogs. What would be the goddamn point of sharing and making connections, if we weren't being our authentic selves? That would feel hollow and empty. It would make me sad and lonely.

I have been engaging on Facebook less and less in recent months. I like going there to see how everyone is doing and to look at my favourite groups. I am posting less and less, tho. I previously posted a great deal of content that related to social justice issues. Especially stuff about how we treat our children. I have become a gentle parenting advocate. Gentle parenting is not permissive parenting, make no mistake. I won't get into that right now, even though I feel myself veering off into a whole separate topic than what this goddmamn writing prompt is telling me to talk about. 

Idk. I just needed a break I guess. Besides, I am not at all certain if my posting about social justice was reaching people in the way I wanted it to. And people always become defensive and want to argue with me. I am just not up for that right now. I am worn out. And when debating with someone you know personally, the discussion inevitably becomes personal. This can degrade personal relationships and cause resentment. And I do not want to subject myself to personal attacks that have nothing to do with the actual topic being discussed. I get very upset, you see. 

I wish people could engage in these kinds of important discussions without getting so riled up and defensive. For example, it is not a personal attack towards you, when I post about privilege. Talking about privilege is only for all of us to be able to look at the various ways in which we are privileged and the various ways marginalized groups are suffering because of inequality and oppression. Ugh. Don't get me started on this goddamn topic, for fuk's sake. 

Debating about social justice topics is a little easier to do with strangers, people not a part of my life. It is just too upsetting tho sometimes. In-person debates are a minefield of unknown dangers. I never know when the discussion is going to turn ugly. I just can't handle that. I would rather stay away from those topics altogether with people that I know. Except of course, with my partner and with my children, I am mostly able to have conversations about important social justice issues.

The thing is tho, is that their beliefs align with my beliefs. At least for the most part. I would love to learn how to engage directly with people about issues relating to social justice. However, I find it too upsetting. Nobody is really listening to me. They want to interrupt and argue. They do not have respectful communication. I end up getting all worked up and upset. 

See, I think I'd rather focus on what is good about the people in my life. I am not one of those people who cut off family members for their political views, although I completely understand why many people have cut off their family members. There are certain instances where going no contact would be necessary to protect one's well-being. I understand that some things are not up for debate. There is a major difference between having an opinion that you prefer Spring over Winter and whether or not you believe that the LGTBQ+ community has a right to live their authentic lives. I mean, human rights, are not up for debate. 

There is a family friend, who I am very fond of. I was very disappointed when she expressed her viewpoint on abortion. See, I wish I didn't know that about her. But my deterministic viewpoint is helping me somewhat. This individual lives a very sheltered life, IMO. They are also religious. And I think her husband brainwashed her too. Idk. I want to believe that her intentions are pure. As, she does seem very pure-hearted. I wonder if when people like this are confronted head-on, in a personal way, if they'd still believe what they do.

Like, I wonder if some of the people against the lgtbq+ community would change their tune if one of their children came out to them. This has been known to happen. This is what restores my faith in humanity. Of course, many parents are not accepting of their children's sexual orientation or gender identity. That is incredibly sad. These are people who often end their lives because the people who are supposed to love them unconditionally,ultimately hate who they are.

The thing is, I'd rather not know people's shitty opinions if I can help it. Please don't take offense. But to me, if you believe a young girl who is raped should be denied an abortion, I'd rather not know that you hold such a disgusting opinion. I'd rather see your goodness. Even people with beliefs as abhorrent as those mentioned can have likeable and good things about them. Whether I'd want to spend very much of my time with people like that is another thing. 

Even Trump supporters can have goodness inside of them. I have people in my life who have been fooled by Trump. Not many, thankfully. They are disconnected from the reality that is going on in the US, tho. And I think sometimes people just like to go against the grain of public opinion. Idk. But I refuse to argue with those people. I want to keep things civil. I want to see only their good side.

That is a privilege tho, isn't it. I am not being directly impacted by what is happening right now in the US. At least not yet, I am not. My point is, is that even people with shitty opinions can still have what I call, 'the love sparkle.' You will see it shine in certain specific situations. It is during those times, where I feel the most hopeful. Some people have not been taught critical thinking skills. They do not ask questions. They go with whatever the people around them believe. They are pliable and easily molded.

The evil 1% are responsible for this, make no mistake. We are not educating our children and youth in the comprehensive ways they should be. Oh my fuking God, I feel myself veering off the topic at hand again. I'll just say that the most poorly educated, come from the most poor neighborhoods. This, in itself, is a grave injustice. Now, there is a population of angry, uneducated, poor people. Not a very great combination.

And please don't take it the wrong way. When I say "uneducated" I am not referring to people who have not had the privilege of receiving a post secondary education. I am referring to people who have grown up in environments that kept them in a bubble of ignorance. Yes, let's describe the uneducated ones, as people who have spent their lives living in a bubble of ignorance.

Make no mistake, their ignorance, is not even their fault. I am a determinist, so I am allowed to believe this. We are all shaped and molded through our lived experiences and our DNA to be exactly the people we are right now. This belief allows me to offer grace to the people who have, what in my opinion, are abhorrant beliefs. Of course, not being a member of many marginalized groups who are affected, makes this a much easier endeavor to undertake. I completely understand that. 

Holy shit, I need to reign myself in. One last thing tho. A little story for you. Some years ago, I was at a family gathering. We were all having fun. I believe I was cleaning up the kitchen after dinner. The vibe was a good one. But then someone in the room started making fun of the "me too" movement. And as they were making a snide remark about it, they looked right at me. They were purposely trying get a reaction out of me. They knew full well, that that topic would trigger a reaction from me. 

I did not react. I wonder if I should have tho. This was too personal for me. I did not want to debate on a topic that hit so very close to home for me. I love this person. The one who unwittingly shamed rape victims with their ignorant comment. I am not going to disown people for their beliefs, even if those beliefs are based on ignorance. If their beliefs were based on hatred, that would be completely different.

If someone is open to engaging in respectful discourse, I am up for that. Well, not always. Sometimes my cup is empty. Sometimes the topic is too upsetting for me to talk about. See, on Facebook engaging in social justice debates is a lot easier. That is only if I am able to remove myself from the conversation if I need to. I have gotten better at being able to do this. 

There was a period of my life where I fought and debated, each and every day. I was extremely angry at all of the injustices I was seeing all around me. I could not stand by and watch a bully attack innocent people like that. I fought in two different ways. One way that I fought was by bullying the bullies, right back. 

That tactic is for people who are not able to learn, or they don't want to. They are the disrespectful, mean, ones. They are the one's who are purposely trying to hurt people. They are beyond being able to hear another perspective, let alone learn anything that doesn't align with their toxic belief. 

Is bullying the bully, doing anything to help resolve the issues? Maybe not. But what it does do, is it takes back my power. It takes back the power of the ones who have been targeted by the vitriolic hatred. It is a way I can offer the targeted party support. It's a way to show the bully that their hatred is not supported. 

The other tactic I use in my online debating, is to show my kindness and to be respectful. Some people become very embarrassed when you do that while they are in the middle of being disrespectful and mean, themselves. These are people I might be able to reach. These are people who are not setting out to purposely hurt people, at least not originally. They just have really shitty, misguided opinions. I have been able to have constructive conversation with people like this. It takes a lot of patience and diplomacy though. 

Idk, it is ever so tiring to fight injustice. It is emotionally draining, it is painful. I was debating and fighting with a lot of misogynists for a while. I was ever so angry. It's hardest when the viewpoints come from someone you know. And people are sneaky and sly. They will not engage in discourse, in good faith. They are twisty. I do not like seeing that in a person. I am capable of ending the conversation when that happens. I will establish a boundary in those situations. 

So to circle back to actual fucking topic, this space right here, is where I do the majority of my online communication. It is a place I can safely express myself, it is creative, it is fun. Additionally, I love reading what other people have to say. And this space does not keep me insulated from the wider world. I am learning to be more accepting of people's religious views. For a while, I was very angry at religion. Some things about religion still make me angry. But I am not angry at the individual people. How can I be?

As far as Facebook, I mostly post content that is funny, if I post anything at all. I am less and less involved in groups I previously joined. I do enjoy reading comment threads and seeing how other people debate. 

I am going to stop now, as I am beginning to feel flustered. Thank you ever so much for reading all of this. It means a lot to me.

PS please know that my perspective is based on my personality and will be biased towards where I am situated geographically in the world.

PSS I also forgot to mention that I often use messenger as well. My dad and I communicate quite often that way. I find it easier to express my thoughts and feelings, through writing. I am able to take a moment and think about what I want to say. My emotions do not make react in haste and say things I may later regret. 

I also email, but only to one specific friend of mine. That is who I had originally shared my writing with. They are who inspired me to write in the first place. It became lonely for me after a while, writing only for one person. And they aren't a huge email responder, even if they do enjoy reading my work. It felt like I was relying on them too much, as a friend. It felt like their opinion became too important to me.