Discuss a positive moment where I have felt loved? This is a hard question to answer because there are so many times when I have felt loved that it is hard to choose just one. Mama, first and foremost was my biggest advocate in life. She cheered for me, every step along the way.

I was sick a lot as a child. I would have very high fevers for seemingly no reason. I would have seizures. Mom was a nurse, and oh how I felt loved whenever I was sick. No matter how busy she was, she took care of me. I felt very loved during those times. Being a free-range child, I did not get a lot of attention growing up. So when I was sick and attended to in such a loving way, I felt safe and nurtured.

As an adult, every time I would come home for a visit, mom was radiant with joy at the sight of us. I still see her standing on the front step, full of excitement. Even as a grown adult, I would plop myself on her lap, basking in her love. It's hard to visit now, with her absence permeating everywhere she had been. The kitchen where she cooked and canned. Her sewing room where she created gifts of love. Her pantry in the basement where she would take me before our return trip home. Stocking us up on all her canning. Her beloved herb garden. Her work of art. Our handprints on the cement walkway. 

I know my dad was happy to see us too. He was funny with his jokes. Welcoming in his own way. Now he's sad a lot. Home isn't home without mama there.

Mavis

And then there was my surrogate mom, Mavis. I was a busy young mom and did not have a lot of time for myself. Both my children are neurodivergent and I was advocating a great deal for their educational needs. Additionally, I had a full-time job working as an educational assistant. My coworker Mavis and I became quite close. She was a matriarch if there ever was one. She was a powerful force of nature. She was solid in her beliefs but was not pushy. She genuinely cared. 

During this time, my mom was a full-time public health nurse and was very busy as well. Mavis saw that I needed mothering and invited me over for a spa treatment and dinner. The food she made was so delicious and beautifully presented. She soaked my feet in a foot bath using essential oils. She gave me a pedicure and painted my nails. There were beautiful hymns and candles.

I am not a religious person and Mavis never pushed her religion onto me. That evening I not only felt loved. I was loved. I was re-energized by the way she nurtured me. Additionally, I was humbled by my friend's grace. Mavis inspired me to be a better person. It was with her help that I sponsored a needy family one Christmas. She knew a family who was in great need. 

I loved buying those children toys they could open up on Christmas morning. I loved buying them yummy food to eat. Mavis was the one and only Black woman in our small town and even though I can only imagine how she may have felt as if she did not belong, she presented herself in a room as if she had every right to be there, and of course she did have every right. Small towns, tho, can be unwelcome places for newcomers,  she made herself welcome. She was a large woman, and stood proud and tall. She dressed beautifully, her makeup was impeccable. Her posture was perfection. She was so friendly and warm to everyone she encountered. She had manners. Meaning, she only gave respect.  Even the most suspicious person could not help but love Mavis.

Mavis and her husband were tragically killed in a car accident a few years later.

Pat 

I had a parallel relationship with another matriarch a few years later. She was a nurse like my mom but retired. She had bipolar disorder. We lived in the same apartment building. I was close to a lot of people in that building. Anyway, one day I was in tears over something. I can't remember what it was. What I do remember is Pat's loving generosity. Amazing I never saw the similarities of these two pampering experiences. Pat invited me over for a pedicure. She soaked my feet in a foot bath, with bubble bath. The entire room was full of bubbles. It was a delightful experience. 

We all looked out for each other in that apartment building. When Pat had a manic episode, and was convinced that a Nigerian prince was enamoured with her, we gently explained the reality of the situation. There is so much to talk about when it comes to this apartment complex. I will save that for another day. 

My Family

I felt loved when we were struggling financially and my dad secretly slipped me $200. I feel loved every Christmas because my dad always helps us by giving us money. He does this because he genuinely cares about us. I felt loved by the beautiful, thoughtful gifts my mama handmade for us every Christmas. I felt loved when we were struggling and mama took me shopping, encouraging me to put more and more in the cart. And the delightful way she packaged everything up at Christmas and birthdays was perfectly her.I felt loved having a two hour conversation with my aunt. She struggled with bipolar and genuinely cared about my mental health. Even tho, she was very needing herself, she took the time to help me. 

When I was in the psych ward, I felt ever so loved by my family. When I was finally lucid after a psychotic episode, and my parnter walked in, seeing him I felt a powerful emotion. I could see the emotion on his face too. He loved me back to lucidity. He was, and is, my rock. 

Neighborly Love

I felt loved during another psych ward stint when my crew from the apartments, along with a pile of kids, all came at the same time for a visit, not realizing how overwhelming that would be for me, lol! I'll never forget that.

I felt loved after I had a drunken episode at the pub and I punched my ex boyfriend in the face. This happened when I was in my early 20's, right before I met my now husband, Joe. The backstory is, my boyfriend abandoned me when I was pregnant and I had felt forced to have an abortion. Not to mention that he had promised me that he was sterile and I had been dumb and naive enough to believe him. Thus, how I landed myself pregnant. I am not a violent person, but seeing my ex sitting there at the table having fun, filled me with rage. Anyway, I lost my shit, to put it mildly. Afterwards my big brother would not let me go home to my house alone. He fed me a big bull of ice cream. I knew I was loved. Later I tricked my ex into paying me $300 for his half of the cost for my abortion. The abortion was free of cost, as I am from Canada. I was gleeful over hoodwinking him. I was positively chuffed. My roommate had helped me make a receipt. In the referencing line, she wrote, "For abortion services," lol!😂😂😂

Anyway, I am going to wrap this up. My mahjong game is calling to me. Thank you very much for reading this. This prompt is a good reminder of how much I am loved and also how much I love others. Pass on the love, it has the power to change the world.

PS I just remembered another time where I felt loved. I was a child, and my dad woke me up in a very nice way to get ready for school. I knew something wasn't right, because I normally wasn't woken up in such a gentle manner. I went downstairs and was informed my beloved dog Trixey had been hit by a car. Oh, how I cried. Looking back, I did feel loved and supported in my grief that morning. I was allowed to pick out another dog from the pound. I picked out a dog that slightly resembled Trixey. Her name was Tina. I hated that dog and treated her terribly. I am still filled with remorse for how I treated my poor dog. I treated her like I was an abusive parent. I hate myself for that. Maybe I was angry because she wasn't anything like Trixey. I probably should not have gotten another dog until I was finished grieving, but how was anyone to know?